Hey Slice Gives You Pizza Advice

Dear Pizza Eaters,

We make ordering as easy as pie, but, sometimes, eating pizza with friends and family results in some tough choices. 

Don’t worry, “Hey Slice” is here to deliver answers to all of your most pressing etiquette queries and concerns.

Send us your questions today and our experts will give you the pizza advice that you so desperately need.

Without further adieu, let’s dig in:

HEY SLICE: How much pizza is too much pizza? — CRUST ISSUES

HEY CRUST: There is no such thing. Finishing an entire pizza by yourself is one of the greatest joys in life. 

There is no need to send yourself into a crusty crisis. Eat to your heart’s content, and then maybe have a slice or two more.

HEY SLICE: Please help me, I haven’t slept in days since my daughter asked me, “Why do they serve round pizza in square boxes?” Fatherhood is hard enough without a 5-year-old causing me to question everything I hold sacred. So, please, help – Why do they serve round pizza in square boxes? — PUZZLED PARENT IN PITTSBURGH

HEY PUZZLED: Don’t worry, you’re not the first person to be stumped by this question, nor are you the first adult to get outsmarted by a 5-year-old. Their inquisitiveness rises at the same rate as our desire to learn and grow as people falls. That’s what parenthood, and the circle of life, is all about.

The Sauce has touched on this before, but this is the Pizza Reader’s Digest: square boxes are more efficient, easier to assemble, able to fit more pizza, and use less material than their spherical counterparts.

Please know that everything you’re feeling is valid. Proceed with the confidence of having all the answers for your precocious pizza lover.

HEY SLICE: I’m having a get-together for me and three of my friends on Saturday. I invited my friends over for a pizza party via group text, and they mocked me for calling a party of four people a “pizza party.” Help me settle this debate: What constitutes a pizza party and how many people are required to throw one? — FRUSTRATED WITH MY FRIENDS   

HEY FRUSTRATED: Shake the parmesan and shake those haters off. There are only a few requirements for a pizza party:

  • Pizza
  • Good times

That’s it. A pizza party can involve 100 guests, 10 friends, or just one you. That’s it. 

All you need to ask yourself is, Do I have pizza? Do I have good times (Clams on the halfshell and roller skates optional)? If the answer to those questions is yes, then you’ve got yourself a pizza party.

Our suggestion is to find new friends that are more fun and less hypercritical. Then, celebrate by ordering no less than one pie per person for your new and improved inner circle. If you need inspiration for your shindig’s motif, consult The Sauce’s breakdown of The 17 Best Pizza Party Ideas.

HEY SLICE: I’m getting married this weekend and the caterer just cancelled! Can I cater my wedding exclusively with pizza? – I DO, LOVE PIZZA

HEY I DO: Can you cater your wedding with pizza? How can you not!? This is the best idea for a wedding we’ve ever heard.   

Can we get an invite with a plus-3? Someone we know just ditched their friends over some silly argument about a pizza party and they need something to do on Saturday.

Need some Hey Slice advice? Send us your questions and we’ll provide the answers to all of your pizza problems.   

Hey Slice Pizza Advice

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