Dear Pizza Eaters,
We make ordering as easy as pie, but, sometimes, eating pizza with friends and family results in some tough choices.
Don’t worry, “Hey Slice” is here to deliver answers to all of your most pressing etiquette queries and concerns.
Without further adieu, let’s dig in:
HEY SLICE: Is there such a thing as too many toppings on a pizza? — TOP TILL YOU DROP
HEY TOP TILL YOU DROP: In life, the weight of the world can sometimes feel like it’s too much to handle. How does one balance the joys of friendship, family, and personal passions? It’s a constant juggling act, but, somehow, we find a way.
The same goes for pizza. You might think that a single slice cannot possibly support garlic, spinach, onions, bell peppers, prosciutto, sausage, extra cheese, fennel, soppressata, fresh tomato slices, olives, and mountains of mushrooms, but, somehow, pizza finds a way.
There is no such thing as getting too many toppings on a pizza. Proceed without fear – especially if you are ordering a Sicilian pizza with a thick crust that is strong enough to hoist an entire supermarket aisle.
HEY SLICE: I’m going on a first date with a Bumble match on Saturday. She loves pizza, orders from Slice at least once a week, and she suggested that we go to her favorite shop. I think I’ve found the sauce to my cheese!
But, I have a feeling that our eyes will be bigger than our stomachs, which means we’ll have slices to spare. If we don’t go HAM and finish all of the pizza, is it kosher for me to take home leftovers? — FIRST DATE CHEAPSKATE
HEY CHEAPSKATE: Dating is messy, and, sometimes, so is pizza. It’s normal to feel the way you do – you’re excited for your first date, but you’re not sure if you’ll go all the way.
Relax and play it by mouth. You both love pizza and, if you’re in the right mood, you just might lick your plates clean.
If you don’t finish all of the pizza, there’s really no shame in taking the rest to-go in a box. Just remember to be a gentleman or gentlewoman and offer to divvy up the leftovers 50/50.
HEY SLICE: I just came across your interview with a health expert saying that pizza is the best food to fuel tennis stars. I’m wondering – what other athletic endeavors require pizza? — ALL-STAR IN ALLENTOWN
HEY ALL-STAR: We’re glad you asked:
- Turkish Oil Wrestling (Pizza grease gives you an unfair, but perfectly legal, advantage)
- Ultimate Fighting
- Ultimate Frisbee
- Football (Hear that, Carson Wentz?)
- Ping Pong
Just be careful when attempting to mix pizza and basketball. As you may recall, Chris Webber tried to call a timeout during the 1993 National Championship Game so that he could order a large pepperoni pie, except Michigan had no timeouts remaining.
Solely because of that incident, UNC went on to win and the Fab Five’s legacy was forever tarnished.
You can add safely add basketball to the list above, just be sure to schedule your pizza order ahead of time so that you don’t get hungry during the game, call a timeout you don’t have, and draw an ill-timed technical foul. That’s just Hoops 101.