Are these games worth your hard-earned cash, which can and should be directed towards buying pizza?
With controllers and slices from Brooklyn’s acclaimed Best Pizza in hand, Nick D’Amelio (Pizza Expert/D’Irector of Pizza Research – Slice) and Zach Links (Writer/Awful Video Game Player – The Sauce) spent hours button-mashing and crust-crunching to find out.
Pizza Titan Ultra
Pizza Titan Ultra is a third-person action platformer in which you, a mobile mom-and-pop pizzeria contained within a ten-story-tall flying robot, must deliver pizzas to Galactic City’s most interesting VIPs. This is about more than delivering pies – this is a fight for justice in a dystopian future where soulless corporate chains have overtaken the culinary world, preventing citizens from enjoying delicious local pizza.
After a brief tutorial, the Ultra Pizza ‘bot is sent out to make his deliveries within a timed window. It’s a tough challenge, but thanks to bonuses accrued along the way, you can pick up additional breathing room, +5 seconds at a time. The cel-shaded terrain of Galactic City looks different than your average video game, but the crux of the game should feel familiar to anyone who played Crazy Taxi growing up.
Nick D’Amelio: I loved the spirit of the game. It’s clear that the developers put their hearts into the plot and dialogue of this one. Pizza Titan Ultra is funny and light-hearted, but the message is clear – mom-and-pop pizza is worth defending and, ultimately, will be victorious over the world’s pizza conglomerates. Score – 6/10.
Zach Links: The storyline here is memorable, which is more than you can say for most video games. Sure, it’s fun to blow things up, but why are we blowing them up? Here, we’re smashing, shooting, and flying in the name of authentic pizza and there is no cause more noble than that. Score – 7/10.
Ever buy a video game, only to discover that the title was misleading? Well, let’s give credit where credit is due – in one sense, Pizza Parking for the Nintendo Switch is exactly as advertised. In this game, you are at the wheel of a delivery car. Your mission: drive and park.
That’s the game. Seriously.
Nick D’Amelio: I’m utterly confused. Why are there pizzas flying out of the trunk? How is this a video game? Who thought this would be a good idea? After playing Pizza Parking, I’m left with so many questions, and $5.99 less than I had before. Score – 1/10.
Zach Links: Once, when I was 9 years old and playing Madden, my mom came to my room to let me know that my goldfish died. That was the worst video game playing experience of my life, until I played Pizza Parking. Score – 0/10
Nick D’Amelio: Best Pizza was exceptional, as always. Frank Pinello’s white pie – topped with ricotta, mozzarella, pecorino, caramelized onions, and parsley – is a work of art. The toasty sesame seeds around the cornicione are also a nice touch, but they’re even more flavorful than they are aesthetically-pleasing. Score – 10/10
Zach Links: Best Pizza’s White Pie has been written up in every major New York publication for a reason – it’s nothing short of magical. Best Pizza’s thin-crust pepperoni pie hasn’t gotten quite as much ink, but it really should. I don’t fantasize about being a flying-robot or a delivery man who slams into traffic cones, but I daydream about that pizza, and that insanely addictive chili oil, multiple times per week. Score – 10/10