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What Kind of Pizza Should I Eat?

In this day and age, ordering a pizza has never been easier. With a couple of taps on your phone, you can instantly order a pie for delivery or pickup from any number of tremendous local pizzerias near you. We still don’t have flying cars, but we’ve truly evolved beyond the wildest dreams of any futurist or sci-fi author of the past.

This level of convenience also means that we can get any sort of pizza imaginable, but, sometimes, the amount of options can be overwhelming.

Not sure about what kind of pizza you should eat? Here’s your guide to finding the right pizza for any occasion:

What pizza should I order for the big game?

Whether it’s football Sunday, the big fight, or the playoffs, you know that pizza is an absolute must. Question is, how do you satisfy everyone in a big group while ensuring that there’s enough pizza for your hoard of ravenous fans?

For the big game, we recommend sticking to the classics. Get 50% of your pizzas topped with pepperoni and keep the other half plain. Feel free to push the ratio in one direction or another, but, whatever you do, make sure you order lots and lots of pizzas.  

What pizza should I order for watching TV with my significant other?

Going out is so overrated. You’ve already got that figured out, which is why you two lovebirds decided to stay in tonight, order pizza, and crush some Netflix. Question is, what kind of pizza should you get?

For this quintessential date night, we recommend a grandma-style pizza. The thin crust of a grandma-style pizza means that you won’t be too full for, ahem, whatever you do after the credits roll. Also, the dollops of red sauce on top of the cheese sort of look like hearts if you squint a little, and that’s just plain romantic.

What pizza should I order in the summer?

In Southern California, where it’s seemingly summertime year round, California-style pizza is a favorite.

With a relatively thin crust and fresh vegetables on top, a veggie pie is the perfect choice to keep it light while in the heat. Eggplants and tomatoes are at their peak in the summer months, making this the perfect opportunity to pair the two together on top of a pie. Or, if you want to do it like they do in Cali, order up a “salad pizza” topped with heaps of fresh and peppery arugula.  

What pizza should I order for a picnic?

For an outdoor picnic in the park, we strongly recommend squares of Sicilian pizza.

There’s a beautiful symmetry between rectangular picnic blankets and tables and Sicilian squares, and nothing feels more wholesome to us than a callback to the pizza shape we all devoured at school lunch. Also, any excuse for Sicilian pizza is a good call in our book.

What pizza should I order for a kids birthday party?

Between allergies and fussy eaters, there’s no reason to rock the boat. For a kids birthday party, we strongly recommend keeping it simple with plain, thin crust pizzas with double-cut slices.

Of course, adults gotta eat too, which is why you should also order a few pies with creative toppings for the grown-ups. Side note: We also recommend a few bottles of wine to keep the big kids calm amidst all that noise.


— Zach Links is an L.A.-based sports journalist who is equally concerned with the outcome of the game and what he’ll be eating at halftime. In addition to serving as a staff writer for The Sauce, he’s also the lead writer and editor of ProFootballRumors.com. You can follow him on Twitter @ZachLinks and on Instagram @FatZachLinks.